Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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