so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
