oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
FUCK WHALES
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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