All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
