If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I thought spray tan was a myth
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You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
