I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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