Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We're too hungover to prance.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
