Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
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is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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