This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
