I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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