Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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