my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
