fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
