I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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