Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We got so high we made milksteak
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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