please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
