She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
