Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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