Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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