He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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