You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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