I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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