It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
