I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
