did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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