im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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