Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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