Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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