Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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