i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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