omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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