I got her a Nickelback box set.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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