Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
