you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
