Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
