to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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