i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
