You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
