My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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