you guys were way drunker than both of me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
