You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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