"it" just moved
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
