Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
