Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
