So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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