im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
