Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
