you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
