The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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