he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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