are you still at the devil's house?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
