I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
