i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
