So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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