no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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