I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
