it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
