the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
