shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize